To Do List...

|| Make jam
|| Have a picnic under an old tree
|| Make cookies and give them to neighbours
|| Eat a banana split for breakfast
|| Learn to love and trust

|| Covered in life {..} and thankful.

It's like I'm covered in life. It's like it's wrapping me up. The memories of these past few days, when seen through eyes that are careful to beauty and gratitude, surround me like a blanket. I don't think I can quite say that as I look back over the past few months. Maybe with time. The moments of darkness and loneliness and ingratitude are like slaps in the face whenever it's their turn to swing past the door of my thoughts, or whenever they have latched themselves onto another particular memory or smell or song. Slaps in the face that bring me into an anxious place called choice. Where I can choose to allow that memory to be the reason why I am stuffing my face with raspberry pastries and spanakopita, or I can choose to let those memories be what usher me into the presence of the crucified Christ, as his Daddy turns his back on him,  because he's filled with my sin.
whoa. now that image is dusty and filled with wisdom.
Dusty like sleeves.
Like my sleeves today.
From digging up dandelions and cutting away young trees shoots and dried raspberry stalks. I am thankful for gardening gloves. And sunglasses that acted like safety goggles more than once...
And the smell of cinnamon, apples, nutmeg, cloves and maple syrup as it simmers down to apple butter.
And for cushions on wooden chairs.
And slippers.
I'm thankful for green tea, and clean dishcloths, and that sourdough comes off measuring cups after being soaked in water, and leftover party finger-food, and the book of Colossians. I'm thankful we can buy 20kg of bread flour for $14 and that I have hot water to wash the dirt off from between my toes, and that when I give Jesus my brokenness he gives me innocence and love. I'm thankful I have fingers so I can learn to play guitar, and that I can hear Audrey Assad's lyrics, and that I can read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I'm thankful that I don't have to be good enough, that I don't have to prove I am worthy, godly, polite, nice, strong, or lovely. I'm thankful for spaghetti with fresh basil and feta at 10:11pm on a cool Sunday night.

Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world. // Sarah Ban Breathnach

{..}By Being Amazed...

I realized I filled out my Starbucks application based on how I worked at Starbucks 2 years ago. I wonder...have I changed? There must have been some maturing that went on these past months. Then why do I feel that the same insecure, timid, people-pleasing girl is still behind these same brown eyes?
My fingers smell like garlic.
I made quinoa with sauteed onions, garlic, lemon juice, dill and crab meat for supper, which I just finished eating. Katherine, Keryn and I had made 4 loaves of artisan sourdough bread earlier today, so I had a thick slice of that (it was still warm from the oven) with goat cheese and local Three Hills honey. I also tossed a few raisins, dried apricots and fresh strawberries onto my plate. Oh, and a cup of vanilla soy milk. Delish. I ate it on the back balcony wrapped in an organic smelling blanket, listening to jazz: Art Blakey, Diana Krall, Miles Davis, Dizzy Gillespie...
It's raining. Or hailing. My slippers have rain drops on them. It's bouncing off the neighbour's metallic roof. It sounds like hundreds of little birds chirping. Or popcorn popping. Or ice cracking.
I went for a run in the rain this morning. It's awfully freeing to run in the rain, and through thick, cold, muddy puddles, and to end at the graveyard. Makes me think of the futility of amassing wealth and prestige, and the beauty and contentment and satisfaction found in running through puddles, and crafting loaves of bread, and sharing life while wrapped in an organic-smelling blanket. I was also reading some Anne Lamott:

Even the second person of the Trinity had to learn by doing, by failing, by feeling, by being amazed. God sent Jesus to join the human experience, which means to make a lot of mistakes. Jesus didn't arrive here knowing how to walk. He had fingers and toes, confusion, sexual feelings, crazy human internal processes. He had the same prejudices as the rest of his tribe: he had to learn that the Canaanite woman was a person. He had to suffer the hardships and tedium and setbacks of being a regular person. If he didn't, the Incarnation would mean nothing. - Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith

I'm learning to let go. To let go of needing to be needed. I think.
As I was saying, when I filled out my Starbucks application, my answers to questions were partially based off of who I was 2 years ago. Maybe I can reread my answers in a few months and see how much I have grown. I'm learning. I'm learning by doing, by failing, by feeling, and by being amazed.
Amazed at the flavors of quinoa, dill and crab; and fresh sourdough bread,goat cheese and honey. I'm amazed at the sound of hail on roofs and the feeling of rain on my face and in my shoes, and of course the smell of organic blanket.

{..} Check out some music that i like..

{..} The New Friars..

So I chose to read this book called The New Friars: The Emerging Movement Serving the World's Poor by Scott A. Bessenecker for one of my classes (the class is called: Principles of Christian Sustainable Development) and it's got some beautiful/inspiring/challenging/perspective-changing thoughts. It invites those who are tired of suburban Christianity to embrace solidarity with the world's urban slum dwellers. It invites the reader to join the movement of North American young people choosing to live under the same roof and eat the same food as those they are serving, kind of like how the monks did it from the missionary monastic orders of old. They become brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers instead of "missionaries" and "development workers."
If you don't mind, I'd like to share a few quotes with you:

"Perhaps what we as outsiders to garbage communities see as resignation or hopelessness is really a healthy dose of realism - a very practical view of the world."

"God's heart yearns for his children to have more than the dung that surrounds them: not riches, but a life in which their needs are met in a way that doesn't mask their need for him."

"Sin is more expensive in poor communities."

"The communities of men and women moving into slums with a commitment to love and to preach are building the kind of trust relationships that breathe life into the brokenness of the poor. They have an innate sense of what a holy life looks like but are sinful enough themselves to know not to preach from a pedestal but from the dirt."

"The disciples needed to strip themselves of the insulating power of money, food and extra clothes. Their profound neediness was a gift, a gift that would force them to depend on the Father whom Jesus talked about and upon the generosity of the townspeople to whom Jesus was sending them (Luke 10:7-9)"

"They would become real to the poor by becoming poor themselves, imitating Christ who voluntarily chose physical poverty and "moved into the neighbourhood" (John 1:14 The Message)."

"Living alongside drug users, asylum seekers and refugees taught her the lessons that kindergarten teachers long to teach us but rarely take root - to share our things and play well with others."

While the qualities that are emerging among new friar communities seem radical, they are ones all of us would do well to embrace:

• Incarnation - tearing down the insulation and becoming real to those in trouble
• Devotion - making intimacy with Christ our all-consuming passion
• Community - intentionally creating interdependence with others
• Mission - looking outside ourselves
• Marginalization - being countercultural in a world that beckons us to assimilate at the cost of our conscience. 

These new friars are saying to the prostitutes: "See, your Savior comes" (Isaiah 62:11.) They are carrying within them light, they are holding the hand of one of his beloved and they are telling her she is remembered. For her Savior remembers her. He comes for her, to her, into the darkest of nights, into her darkest of rooms. He stands with her there and holds her hand. 

See, your Savior comes.

"It gets darker and darker, and then Jesus is born." - Wendell Berry

{..} life in Chimaltenango..

How can I spend 3 hours listening to sermons and writing notes about Jesus and then when I'm in the ice cream shop in Chimaltenango, Guatemala I can depersonalize the boy who's trying to get a few quetzales (Guatemalan money) by selling little candies? I just brushed him off saying "no, Gracias" without even thinking about it as I handed the lady 13Q (about $2.00) for my double-scoop, chocolate dipped waffle cone. I glanced at his face as we walked out the door. He was probably around 10 years old, wearing a slightly ragged, dirty blue sweatshirt and black pants and I didn't get the sense that hope was gushing from his soul. Krysti and I stopped our stroll back to the seminary where we've been living the past month as we contemplated whether or not we should buy him an ice cream. The shop was filled with local Chimaltecos (people living in the city of Chimaltenango)...would it be culturally inappropriate for 2 white girls to buy the boy an ice cream cone? We decided we'd ask him what he wanted [Jesus did that often, right? check out Mark 10:51...I love how Jesus asks a blind man what he wants...obviously he wants to see. I wonder why Jesus asked him what he wanted...maybe the man had to realize what he really wanted...] When we got back to the ice cream shop, he had already left to try to sell his candies someplace else. I wonder if Jesus would have handed the lady the money then looked the boy in the eyes and asked him what he wanted, and if he said ice cream, given him his double-scoop, chocolate dipped waffle cone. Or maybe Jesus wouldn't have talked. Maybe Jesus would have put his hand on the boy's shoulder as he left the ice cream shop...
On our way back to the seminary, we were followed by an attractive man in a wheelchair.
For supper, we had hot dogs with no buns ("cheveres" in Spanish), with salty creamed black beans (mmm!), a slice of salty cheese ("queso" en Espanol), corn tortillas and coffee juice (hot, watered down coffee with loads of sugar) and watched soccer ("futbol" in the latin language) on the TV.
I love this country.
Last night, for supper, I ate 6 white buns, 2 sweet buns ("pan dulce") and a cup of coffee juice. Then I went to watch Alex play in a local men's league basketball game. Kyle and I were sitting on the cement bleachers, talking about high school teachers, living on sailboats and whether or not it's culturally appropriate to cheer in Guatemala. Since no Chimaltecos were loud an obnoxious, we decided to cheer on the inside.
At breakfast this morning, there was a group of Americans eating, and I hadn't been around other North Americans (outside of the Seminary Staff and Discover communities) for a few weeks. I sat with my Guatemalan friends, conversed in Spanish and ate my beans and tortillas, thinking to myself how cool and culturally-savvy I am. Oh, goodness. There goes my pride again...doing it's thing...
Here's a photo of some beautiful Discover chicas; we're getting chocolate covered bananas and mangoes in the rain in Chimaltenango. This was taken about half an hour before I got my 80's style hair cut while watching a Mexican version of Oprah, and right before going to the gym for my daily aerobics class. The gym is legit. It's called Perfect Body and the walls are bright yellow. To get to the mirror-lined aerobics room, you have to walk past the sweaty ladino men lifting weights, and give Greyman, the bouncer, the customary greeting: a kiss on the cheek. Evelyn, the instructor, is fantastic! She has purple hair, shimmery eye-shadow and a contagious smile. She counts out hundreds of squats, lunges, steps, and kicks as we "aerobicize" to Spanish techno and disco remixes. We then finish with between 500 and 1000 crunches/sit ups. Oh, goodness. It's amazing. (the second photo is of our seminary "aerobicizer" crew in front of Perfect Body ;)

{..} like multivitamins & probiotic/antioxidant/dietary supplements..

{..} Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones..
Proverbs 3:7-8


{..} My child, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh..
Proverbs 4:20-22