{..}By Being Amazed...

I realized I filled out my Starbucks application based on how I worked at Starbucks 2 years ago. I wonder...have I changed? There must have been some maturing that went on these past months. Then why do I feel that the same insecure, timid, people-pleasing girl is still behind these same brown eyes?
My fingers smell like garlic.
I made quinoa with sauteed onions, garlic, lemon juice, dill and crab meat for supper, which I just finished eating. Katherine, Keryn and I had made 4 loaves of artisan sourdough bread earlier today, so I had a thick slice of that (it was still warm from the oven) with goat cheese and local Three Hills honey. I also tossed a few raisins, dried apricots and fresh strawberries onto my plate. Oh, and a cup of vanilla soy milk. Delish. I ate it on the back balcony wrapped in an organic smelling blanket, listening to jazz: Art Blakey, Diana Krall, Miles Davis, Dizzy Gillespie...
It's raining. Or hailing. My slippers have rain drops on them. It's bouncing off the neighbour's metallic roof. It sounds like hundreds of little birds chirping. Or popcorn popping. Or ice cracking.
I went for a run in the rain this morning. It's awfully freeing to run in the rain, and through thick, cold, muddy puddles, and to end at the graveyard. Makes me think of the futility of amassing wealth and prestige, and the beauty and contentment and satisfaction found in running through puddles, and crafting loaves of bread, and sharing life while wrapped in an organic-smelling blanket. I was also reading some Anne Lamott:

Even the second person of the Trinity had to learn by doing, by failing, by feeling, by being amazed. God sent Jesus to join the human experience, which means to make a lot of mistakes. Jesus didn't arrive here knowing how to walk. He had fingers and toes, confusion, sexual feelings, crazy human internal processes. He had the same prejudices as the rest of his tribe: he had to learn that the Canaanite woman was a person. He had to suffer the hardships and tedium and setbacks of being a regular person. If he didn't, the Incarnation would mean nothing. - Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith

I'm learning to let go. To let go of needing to be needed. I think.
As I was saying, when I filled out my Starbucks application, my answers to questions were partially based off of who I was 2 years ago. Maybe I can reread my answers in a few months and see how much I have grown. I'm learning. I'm learning by doing, by failing, by feeling, and by being amazed.
Amazed at the flavors of quinoa, dill and crab; and fresh sourdough bread,goat cheese and honey. I'm amazed at the sound of hail on roofs and the feeling of rain on my face and in my shoes, and of course the smell of organic blanket.